sometimes i try to be too much for me. & sometimes i have pressure from all around me. & sometimes i appear strong-but sometimes i'm breaking down inside. & i'm losing who i am through all of the homework & the essays. & what i believe in seems to be suffocating between the lines of things to do in my planner & on my calendar. & i'm spread so thin & trying so hard ((or am i?)) & b/c of that everything is falling apart. even spending time with my friends is just another thing on my schedule now. & i never have time to write or think...& lately i feel like i haven't even been able to breathe. & there's no way out that i can see b/c ...b/c there's nothing i can drop. & i'm always on the edge of breaking down or giving up but i can't give up & i don't have time to break down. i don't have time to feel. & love...love takes time. & i feel like i'm cutting through a connection between me&what i want to be b/c i never have time. & i never have emotion left b/c of all of the stress. & it all just leaves me more lost. & words have betrayed me because i deserted them weeks ago. i suppose i don't blame them: i would have done the same. but my life seems so empty without emotions or words or dreams or goals. b/c really, what's left? family.school.housework. but just that alone... is that what life is all about? it's just a vicious cycle, i suppose. & i suppose there's no stopping it. i just miss the days when i had time to feel...when i had time to write & to think...when i had time to live. lately i feel like a character out of ayn rand's anthem, lacking individuality, inspiration, and most importantly, freedom.